The End of an Era

We witnessed the end of an era at the Holliday house last week (no, not the Lebron era in Cleveland). Very sad for all of us. "The era of what?" you ask. Let me take you back to 1993....

I was 10 years old living in Van Wert. It was around the time when every 10 year old boy starts to neglect his hygiene. You know, not showering every day, wearing the same pair of dirty underwear for a week straight, brushing your teeth like twice a week (on a good week), and of course, constantly smelling like a dirty, bacteria-infested locker room. I don't remember exactly, but I suppose it was my Mom who was the one really sick of smelling my little 10-year old BO. She decided it was time that I take a first step into manhood by wearing deodorant.

Now for some reason, the first stick she bought me was Suave women's deodorant. I still wonder, was it less abrasive? was she punishing me for doing something wrong? (very possible) did she think she could pull a fast one on me? did she not really have a clue? She is a smart lady and was a good mother so I will still give her the benefit of the doubt on this one. Regardless, I wasn't stupid. I could read. It said "women's deodorant" and I wasn't going to have any of it. I wore it for like a week, you know, cause that's what Mom said to do, but enough was enough. I was a man who needed a man's deodorant.

My Dad wore Right Guard fresh scent, and of course, I wanted to be like Dad, so we got a stick. This is where the love affair began. The scent was magical. It was like a new world opened up to my little 10-year old eyes. I knew I was a man now. I used to cake the stuff on. Way over the line of excessive, but I didn't care. So for the next 16 years of my life, I wore nothing, and I mean NOTHING but Right Guard fresh. They could have renamed it "Right Guard Ryan Holliday" scent.

Last year, I went to Walmart to pick up some deodorant. And after making the 2.4 mile walk from the entrance of the store to the deodorant section (insert plug for Aldi grocery stores - they are about 1/100 the size of Walmart, you walk in, get what you need, and walk out, all in 3 minutes. Need ketchup? They don't have an entire aisle dedicated to ketchup, they have one brand. Go get THE ketchup, don't waste 30 minutes of your life walking to the aisle, then choosing between the hundreds of varieties of ketchups), I was shocked to find that what I knew as Right Guard fresh scent was no longer Right Guard fresh scent. I opened and smelled about every type of Right Guard they had in stock, and no luck. I went back some time later to look again, and I realized the most horrible news of my life - they had changed scents and discontinued Right Guard fresh.

Luckily back at home I found one unopened stick. That was my last link to the 16-year long era of goodness. A couple months ago, I reluctantly pulled the final stick out and began to use it, thinking, it's gotta end sometime. So the last couple months have been like a slow death. Every day I put it on I would want to cry. It was slowly killing me.

Then last week, Emily was in the bathroom, holding the final stick (which was only about halfway gone) and she dropped it on the floor. The deodorant smashed everywhere. Little white fresh smelling crumbles were strewn all over the floor. 16 years of my life lay crushed on the bathroom floor. So that was how it ended. I didn't even get to enjoy the dignity of savoring the last few strokes to my underarms and throwing the empty stick away myself.

Right Guard Fresh

1993-2010

R.I.P.

The End (FYI, as a steward of God's time, I gave myself a limit of 20 minutes to writing this ridiculous post)